Image via Complex Original
Described by UrbanDictonary as “the rhythmic gyrating of the lower fleshy extremities in a lascivious manner with the intent to elicit sexual arousal or laughter,” this version of twerking is the latest dance craze to take the Internet by storm. While twerking has undeniable appeal, it turns out that the hypnotic dance move is a bigger waste of your time than you'd think (sorry, Miley). For those of you that watch twerking Vines, GIFs, and videos constantly on the Internet, here's twenty other thinigs on the web that you can view to haul you back from the tide of the twerk.
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House of Cards
Although House of Cards didn't sweep the Emmys, it did do admirably, with a nod to showrunner David Fincher for directing. The show itself is a political White House drama starring Kevin Spacey as the politically ruthless Congressman Frank Underwood. A political drama that can rival any that have been on traditional television, House of Cards is perhaps the best web-only series to date, and is definitely worth checking out.
Hank Schrader's Rap Album
Before something horrible happened to Hank Schrader on Breaking Bad (you should know by this point), uttering his brilliant line "My name as A.S.A.C. Schrader, and you can go fuck yourself," the mighty DEA agent had his rap album leaked online, by someone who thought it would be a great idea (it was) to photoshop Hank onto a rap album cover with A$AP Rocky's hair. Schrader may be down, but his name as a rap icon will live on.
Lil Wayne Teaching Meek Mill How To Skate
The skating rapper (or rapping skater), Lil Wayne is just as good on the board as he is on the mic. See him attempt to teach fellow rapper Meek Mill some skateboarding tips and tricks, with ultimately mixed results.
Achewood
One of the most hilariously absurd webcomics out there, Achewood is one of those comics that will require your full attention, as the absurdist humor isn't for everyone. But if that's your bag, then look no further, and prepare yourself to be amused by anthropomorphic characters that say literally the strangest things.
Ta-Ku's Soundcloud Page
Hip-Hop producer Ta-Ku can allegedly "chop beats in his sleep," but there's no doubt that he's got a ton of talent when it comes to producing cinematic soundscapes. Check out this emerging producer's impressive catalouge, as soon you'll be able to be a hipster about it and claim you knew him before he's played on the radio and in clubs.
This GIF
There's nothing cuter than a hedgehog trying to escape from a top hat. But once he gets to the top of the top hat, utter disbelief awaits.
KimKierkedgaardashian
Kim Kardashian (the reality star). Soren Kierkegaard (the Danish philosopher). Not typically two names you would associate with each other, but pairing the two together in this Twitter account has some surprisingly excellent philosophical underpinnings. If you aren't at least amused by this, then you probably should go back to watching twerking videos.
Myspace Tom's Instagram Account
Since retiring from the Internet with plenty of money in his pocket, Myspace founder Tom Anderson has plenty of time and money to spend on it. As a result, it looks like Myspace Tom has been traveling the world and honing his photography skills, taking plenty of suprisingly beautiful pictures along the way and posting them to his Instagram.
Newgrounds
One of the premiere flash-based websites from the original .com boom, Newgrounds still has a home in the world of Web 2.0, with plenty of crazy fun flash games and videos for your enjoyment. If you ever wanted to see a ninja go on a rampage, this would be the place to do it, and it may just keep your attention long enough to hold off the twerking.
Vince Gilligan Discussing Breaking Bad
Ever wonder why Breaking Bad is called what it is? Look no further than this Netflix Q & A with series creator Vince Gilligan, who answers fan questions in depth to reveal as much as he can about the series without actually spoiling anything for the finale.
This Article on The Onion
Known for their hilarious satires and biting social commentaries, this recent article from The Onion mixes the best of both to show off how the fictional Hell has not become an epicenter of gay culture. In typical Onion style, the article prays on the best of ridiculous conservative viewpoints, and appeals to the best of informed (although not always) liberal sensibilities in us, by playing with notions of what we think to be right.
This article really hits home with a great quote from Nephirem the Malevolent, a 10,000-year-old, 70-foot-tall minotaur, who really thinks that the gay community "have been great for the place."
The Carter Family Potrait Gallery Tumblr
Jay Z (without the hyphen), Beyonce and Blue Ivy Carter enter a room. Their likeness is painted, and out they come, done up in full portrait style. Check out some of the most hilarious Carter Family Portraits, done in the style of famous and classic paintings on this wacky Tumblr.
Game Ark
For the flash gamer in you, Game Ark has some of the most addicting flash games on the web, another thing that people are still searching for more than twerking. So, go ahead, play some games, and leave those jiggling asses behind, it might just help you relax more.
Ultimate GIF Dance Party
We already tried to get you to attend the Ultimate GIF Dance Party once, and now we're going to try again. Pair up on the dance floor with your favorite Internet and pop culture characters—which range from Forever Alone and Scumbag Brian, to Spongebob and Carlton, and get yourself in one of the most bizzare and hilarious Internet mash ups of the year.
Adult Films
If you're going to watch twerking videos, you might as well go all in, as they say, and just go ahead and watch some adult videos. It's not like they're difficult to find on the web (no, we're not helping you with this one), and in fact, they're by far the most searched for terms on the Internet. You want what you can't have, we suppose, but what we do know is that twerking isn't a substitute for the 'real' thing.
Star Wars vs. Game of Thrones Subreddit
If you were to name two fantasy sagas that defined a generation, you wouldn't have to look further than Star Wars and Game of Thrones, both of which feature people losing hands and epic battles. Behold, the Star Wars vs. Game of Thrones Subreddit, which matches up the two, blow for blow, on what exactly constitutes greatness.
Orange Is The New Black
One of Netflix's new original series, Orange is the New Black, stars Taylor Schilling as a down-on-her-luck privileged inmate, who is incarcerated due to her affiliation with former drug runner Alex Vause, played by Laura Prepon of That 70's Show fame. The show is a fascinating look at privilege, race, and life in a women's prison, and definitely gives women a lot more substance than twerking does.
Wikipedia
A term of endearment for using Wikipedia in an aimless manner, Wikiwalking is one of the most entertaining things you could do not just on Wikipedia, but on the entire Internet. Why read just one Wikipedia article when you can read several dozen, hopping from one hyperlink to the next like an Olympic gymnast with no actual athletic skills. Hey, at least you'll expand your brain and knowledge base, which is more than we can say for most other things on the Internet.
Really Weird Sports Commercials From the '70s and '80s
Now commericals are more streamlined, but back in the day, they used to be all over the place. This is doubly true for commercials that starred sports stars, as sometimes they didn't know what to do with them (particulary in the case of former NBA star Hakeem Olajuwon) when promoting or endorsing a product. Check out this list of fifteen of the strangest sports commericals from the 70s and 80s, and tell us this doesn't take your mind of twerking for at least fifteen minutes.
Kanye's Ranterview
BBC's Zane Lowe interviews Kanye West (and his ego) and discusses Yeezus, some of his infamous rants, and the future of radio and rock-n-roll. It's easily the most entertaining interview on the Internet, EVER.