Madonna discussed the stressful custody battle over her second oldest child on podcast On Purpose With Jay Shetty.
The mother of six, including four adopted children, reflected on having suicidal ideations she had during periods of her career, including one traumatic experience over her biological son, Rocco Ritchie. Madonna shares the actor and visual artist with her second husband, English filmmaker Guy Ritchie, who she was married to from 2000 to 2008.
"There were moments in my life where I wanted to cut my arms off," the seven-time Grammy winner told Shetty around the 41-minute mark of the episode below. "I actually contemplated suicide. And that probably sounds really weird coming from me because I’m not emo. But I was like, ‘I can’t take this pain anymore.'"
She continued, "But as soon as you understand that what's happening to you is a challenge that you are karmically meant to experience and learn from and evolve to a higher level of consciousness then you can look at that event, that experience, as a lesson and not punishment."
When asked about the event that nearly pushed her to the brink of death, the pop legend refused to play the "blame game" but noted the custody battle over Rocco. In 2016, Madonna and Ritchie were embroiled in a months-long legal dispute over their son, as Rocco decided to remain in the U.K. with his father although ordered to return to New York with his mother.
"Someone trying to take my child away from me was like, 'They might as well just kill me.' That’s really how I was thinking," Madonna recalled. At the time, the singer was on tour and explained that she'd be "sobbing" on the floor of her dressing room as the custody battle went on.
"I really thought it was like it was the end of the world. I couldn’t take it. I just couldn’t take it. But thank God I don’t feel that way anymore," she concluded.
The singer ultimately forgave her ex-husband and recognized toxic relationship patterns in her family, beginning with her parents, which she also discussed in the interview.
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