Image via Complex Original
When it comes to life lessons, some people go out and buy self-help books, others search the web, and some lean on their families for a wise word. Or, you can do it like the pros do it here and head on over to Plies' Twitter. His tweets are chock-full of advice and life lessons on everything from how to deal with your employer to feminine hygiene. Hell, Plies even explains why men who haven't gotten it on with pregnant women are essentially still virgins (walk with us here). So, if you're down on your luck or are simply looking for secrets on how to get ahead in life, @Plies is the answer bruh, bruh. Here are 20 Life Lessons We Learned From Plies' Twitter Feed.
brokencool is a writer living in Toronto. You can follow him on Twitter at @brokencool.
On Social Climbing
We've read this tweet a few times and still can't figure out how far good “pwussy” will get us.
On Cell Phone Etiquette
Ladies, there will be no sexting, checking emails, or browsing the web in the presence of Plies. Put them phones down!
On Proper Compensation
We also don't recommend telling your employer, “Listen here, muhfucka, I ain't comin' in unless I'm gettin' time and a half.” We promise you'll still be looking for a job by the time Christmas rolls around.
On Liars
According to our patented Plies Twitter Translator, what Plies means to say is that a half truth is a whole lie.
On Spotting Good "Pwussy"
Not sure how a $4 Wal-Mart mirror determines the quality, but hey, keep an eye out for the long skinny ones fellas.
On Premature Ejacuation
Listen up, ladies: If you and your fella are ever gettin' down and he slows his roll to chat with you, it isn't for romance purposes (at least according to Plies).
On Proper Hygiene
The moral of the story here is, always ensure you put your best “foot” forward. Although putting breath mints in one's vagina may not be the best way to achieve this goal.
On Getting Back With Someone
He means running back, right?
On Christmas
This is pretty straight forward, folks. In Plies' world, the holidays aren't about giving. They are about giving and getting a whole Santa sack full of shit back.
On Strength
The moral of the story here is: If you live with someone, you are weak and mean nothing to Plies.
On Mothers
You know when your mom calls you up and says, “I just made breakfast. Come over and have something to eat.” It's sweet, isn't it? Well, not with Plies' momma, who apparently makes eggs with a side of checkbook (hold the hot sauce).
On Strip Clubs
Ladies, your dance lessons and 12-inch heels mean nothing to Plies.
On Homecare
A few important things to note here: A) Clean out your trash cans. B) Keep all the “crazy shit” out of your bathroom. C) Keep Plies out of your home.
On "Flat Tires"
AAA can't help you with this kind of “flat tire.” Ladies, if you ever see Plies in the club, before you approach him, ensure you're not riding on rims, if you know what we're saying.
On Virginity
When one thinks about being pregnant, Plies, we would hope, would be the very last thing that would come to mind.
On Getting Head
Fellas, take note: Don't be afraid to let your lady know that she's doing a good “job.” It might just get you some bonus time down dere.
On Dressing Up
Translation: You can take your lady to Rodeo Drive and set her up with the flyest dress and heels money can buy. But if she has spent more time backstage than a stage manager, it's not going to do you any good.
On Raising Children
Yes, we get all our parenting advice from Plies.
On Sex
White people translation: You know that girl who has made a verbal agreement to have sex with you? She is probably going to have sex with you.
On That Time of the Month
No sense in burning cell phone minutes when it's “that time of the month.” Plies has a recommendation on keeping track of your flock of birds.